You Are More Than Deserving Of Support

I have to admit that it took me a reaaaally long time to sit down and write this post. Like… weeks, maybe even a month. The writing that I do for my newsletters, social media, and now blog(!) feels SO important that it brings up all sorts of old stories and painful self-doubts. My inner dialogue tends to go something like this:

 

  • Is my writing smart enough? Articulate enough? Engaging enough?
  • I hope people find this valuable/useful/helpful, but maybe I’m just annoying them, ugh.
  • Does anyone actually care what I have to say?
  • Why does this always take me SO LONG?!? I’ve been sitting here for an hour already!
  • OMG, what if none of this makes any sense??

I don’t know about you, but when I’m really invested in something I care about, I tend to develop a lot of fear around it… which more often than not, presents as procrastination and avoidance.

I used to wonder why this is. If I care SO much about something, why do I drain my energy by avoiding it for days, weeks, even months on end? It made no sense to me.

Now I know that all that procrastination and all the avoidance (and all the self-shaming that goes along with it) are trying to keep me safe.

Why? Because even though my logical brain knows that it’s really not such a big deal,part of me is terribly afraid making mistakes. Part of me, a much younger part of me, is deeply afraid of embarrassing myself. Of disappointing other people. Of being rejected. Of—god forbid—failing. Of never, ever, being good enough, no matter how hard I try.

When I’m in that headspace, I can’t help but put an immense amount of pressure on myself to get it right, whatever “it” is. Ideally, to do it all perfectly.

And of course, it goes without saying that “doing it all perfectly” invariably means “doing it all alone.”

  • No matter how difficult the task is (or how utterly unqualified I am to do it).
  • No matter how swamped I am with other work and commitments.
  • No matter how many sick foster kittens have been keeping me up at night.
  • No matter how mentally and emotionally drained I am from living through a pandemic.
  • No matter how much sleep I have or haven’t gotten, how hydrated I am, or how exhausted from coordinating a million different little things.
  • Like so many of us, I have internalized that self-worth exists in direct relation to my productivity and my success (or lack thereof).

Further, I learned from a young age that if I had any hope of receiving the (actually very conditional) “unconditional” love I craved, I better be pretty darn perfect. And to be perfect meant to figure it out, to suck it up, to look good and perform well, and to abandon my needs in the process. And of course, true perfection meant that I should never need to ask for help.

When I step back and evaluate these beliefs from my adult vantage point, I can see how utterly unreasonable—and how utterly heartbreaking—they are.

And yet, to this day, it can still be hard for me to ask for help. Often, I’m so used to doing everything myself, that I don’t even know what to ask for or where to begin. Maybe on some level you struggle with this, too.

Asking for help brings up many difficult emotions, undoubtedly. Yet when I look around, I am surrounded by evidence that when I get the right help, I am actually much better off for it.

  • If I hadn’t worked with a web designer and a copywriter, I wouldn’t have a website that represents me and my work.
  • If I hadn’t hired a house cleaner, I would waste precious time and energy just trying to maintain my space.
  • If I hadn’t hired an accountant, I would surely have the IRS on speed dial to fix my tax filing errors.
  • If I hadn’t accepted a friend’s offer to help organize my closets, I’d still be drowning in old clothes I no longer wear.
  • If I hadn’t committed to working with a coach and a therapist, I would be living in a state of chronic anxiety and overwhelm.

At this point, I have enough experience to know that I cannot do it all alone, even if the scared child inside of me thinks I have to. I now know that a self-sufficient life is a figment of our collective imaginations. We always have and always will need each other. Our interdependency is part of what makes us human, and that’s a good thing.

Recently, I made the decision to seek a level of support beyond what I had ever sought before. I decided to stop trying to power through the various business-related tasks that have been keeping me drained and overwhelmed. (Oh my god, there are so many.) I finally decided that I am deserving of the support I have needed for a long time now.

Without further ado, I am delighted to introduce you to my new Virtual Assistant, Miranda! In their own words:

Miranda (she/they) is a business owner, makeup artist, educator, and producer. Their multi-layered talents intersect with mindfulness and self-care to create a powerhouse of strategic knowledge and logical magic. Miranda loves peonies, animals, Halloween, crystals, coffee, the smell of rain, glitter, rainbows, and the sound of babies laughing too hard. She is thrilled to be joining Lindsay to make Work With Lindsay work for you!

I truly could not be more grateful to have someone as talented, dedicated, and empathetic as Miranda on my team. After many years of teetering on the edge of burnout from trying to do it all alone, Miranda’s support comes at the perfect time.

I have learned that asking for help is THE thing that creates better outcomes in my life, relationships, and business. I spend more time focusing on the things I love and care about, and less time trying to problem solve the stuff I hate doing, just because it has to get done by someone, somehow. And that means less stress, less overwhelm, and more time for joy, pleasure, and connection… both with myself and those I love.

Most importantly of all: When I have the right support, I no longer have to strive to be perfect. Instead, I am free to be exactly who I am, with all my talents and flaws. I can simply do my best and trust others to do their best, because I know we’re committed to figuring it out, together.

I want this ease, trust, and freedom for you, too.

If you’re ready to receive the support you need and deserve, I would be honored to be in your corner.

If you’re eager to dive in, skip on over here and fill out the questionnaire. Once you tell me little bit about you, I’ll reach out so we can schedule a time to connect.

Sending you so much grace and love.

xo,

Lindsay

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